Welcome to the my Internet quote collection! This page is full of funny quotes from famous people. I have searched for the the best quotes on the Interet and have presented them here. For those of you who appreciate reading funny quotes, enjoy! If you have time to kill, why not read all of them? :)
Last week I stated that this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister and now wish to withdraw that statement.
Buy land. They've stopped making it.
Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.
The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves.
Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler.
Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we'll be seeing six or seven.
Twas a woman who drove me to drink. I never had the courtesy to thank her.
Actually, it only takes one drink to get me loaded. Trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or fourteenth.
When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick.
It's hard for me to get used to these changing times. I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.
You've got to be honest; if you can fake that, you've got it made.