Minister in Heaven
A minister has just died and is standing in line waiting to be judged and admitted to Heaven. While waiting he asks the man in front of him about himself. The man says, "I was a taxi driver from New York City." The angel standing at the gate calls out "next," and the taxi driver steps up. The angel hands him a golden staff and a cornucopia of fruits, cheeses, and wine and lets him pass. The taxi driver looks pleased and proceeds through the gates into heaven.
The minister begins to think about the richness he'll get upon his entrance.
But instead, the angel hands him a wooden staff and some bread and water.
The minister is very concerned and asks the angel, "That guy is a taxi driver and gets a golden staff and a cornucopia! I spend my entire life as a minister and get next to nothing! How can that be?"
The angel replies, "Up here we judge on results. All of your people slept through your sermons. In his taxi, they prayed."
Bubba and Jim Bob
Bubba had long heard the stories of an amazing family tradition. It
seems that his father, grandfather and great-grandfather had all been
able to walk on water on their 21st birthday. On that special day,
they'd each walked across the lake to the bar on the far side for
their first legal drink.
So when Bubba's 21st birthday came a round, he and his pal Jim Bob took a boat out to the middle of the lake, Bubba stepped out of the boat .... and nearly drowned! Jim Bob just barely managed to pull him to safety.
Furious and confused, Bubba went to see his grandmother. "Grandma," he asked, "it's my 21st birthday, so why can't I walk 'cross the lake like my pappy, his father, and his father before him?"
Granny looked deeply into Bubba's troubled eyes and said, "Your father, your grandfather and your great grandfather wereborn in January, when the lake is frozen, and you were born in July, you dumbass."