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Men's Rules

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We always hear 'the rules' from the female side.

Now here are the rules from the male side.

Please note.. These are all numbered '1' ON PURPOSE!

1. Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. 'Yes' and 'No' are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say 'nothing,' we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, football or golf.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

More "Men vs Women" Jokes

 

You Might be in Education If...

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1. You believe the staff room should be equipped with a Valium salt lick.

2. You find humor in other people's stupidity.

3. You believe "shallow gene pool" should have it's own box on the report card.

4. When out in public, you feel the urge to snap your fingers at a child you do not know and correct their behavior.

5. When you mention "vegetables" you're not talking about a food group.

6. You think people should be required to get a government permit to reproduce.

7. You laugh uncontrollably when people refer to the staff room as the "lounge".

8. You believe in aerial spraying of Prozac.

9. You can't have children because there's no name you could give a child that wouldn't bring on high blood pressure the moment you heard it uttered.

10. You think caffeine should be available to staff in IV form.

11. You want to choke a person who says, "Oh, you must have such fun every day. This must be like playtime for you."

12. Meeting a child's parents instantly answers the question, "Why is this kid like this?"

More "List" Jokes

Puking Pumpkin

puking pumpkin

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Balding Tattoo

lawnmower tattoo on balding head

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