The Wedding Test
I was a very happy man. My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married..
There was only one little thing bothering me ... It was her beautiful younger sister.
My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight miniskirts, and generally was bra-less. She would regularly bend down when she was near me, and I always got more than a nice view.
It had to be deliberate. Because she never did it when she was near anyone else.
One day 'little' sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome.. She told me that she wanted me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister.
Well, I was in total shock, and couldn't say a word.
She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want one last wild fling, just come up and get me."
I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a beeline straight to the front door.
I opened the door, and headed straight towards my car.
Lo... and behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all clapping!
With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law to be hugged me and said, "We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family."
And the moral of this story is:
Always keep your condoms in your car.
Fertilized Egg Business
John was in the fertilized egg business. He had several hundred young layers (hens)‚ called 'pullets‚' and ten roosters to fertilize the eggs. He kept records‚ and any rooster not performing went into the soup pot and was replaced. This took a lot of time‚ so he bought some tiny bells and attached them to his roosters. Each bell had a different tone‚ so he could tell from a distance which rooster was performing. Now‚ he could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report by just listening to the bells.
John's favorite rooster‚ old Butch‚ was a very fine specimen‚ but this morning he noticed old Butch's bell hadn't rung at all! When he went to investigate‚ he saw the other roosters were busy chasing pullets‚ bells-a-ringing‚ but the pullets‚ hearing the roosters coming‚ could run for cover. To John's amazement‚ old Butch had his bell in his beak‚ so it couldn't ring. He'd sneak up on a pullet‚ do his job and walk on to the next one.
John was so proud of old Butch‚ he entered him in the Renfrew County Fair and he became an overnight sensation among the judges. The result was the judges not only awarded old Butch the No Bell Piece Prize‚ but they also awarded him the Pulletsurprise as well. Clearly‚ old Butch was a politician in the making.
Who else but a politician could figure out how to win two of the most highly coveted awards on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the populace and screwing them when they weren't paying attention.