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Uncle Willie

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A teacher asked her class to find out a story from their parents with a moral at the end of it. The next day the kids came back and began to tell their stories.

"Jimmy do you have a story to share?"

"Yes miss - my daddy told me a story about my Uncle Willie. Uncle Willie was a pilot in the Air Force in the first Gulf War and his plane got hit. He had to bail out over enemy territory and all he had was a small flask of whiskey, a pistol and a survival knife. He drank the whiskey on the way down so it wouldn't fall into the hands of the enemy, then he parachuted right into the middle of 20 enemy troops. He shot 15 of them with the gun until it ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife until the blade broke, then he killed the last one with his bare hands."

"Wow", said the teacher. "What kind of moral did your daddy teach you from that?"

"Stay away from Uncle Willie when he's been drinking."

More "Drunk Jokes"

 

Paddy's Pig

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Paddy and Paddy, two Irishmen, went out one day and each bought a pig. When they got home, Paddy turned to Paddy and said, "Paddy, me ol'mate, how are we going to tell who owns which Fookin' Pig?"

Paddy says, "Well Paddy, I'll cut one of te ears off my Fookin Pig, and ten we can tell them apart."

"Ah, dat id be grand," says Paddy.

This worked fine until a couple of weeks later, when Paddy stormed into the house. "Paddy" he said, "Your Fookin Pig has chewed the ear off my Fookin Pig. Now we got two fookin pigs with one ear each. How are we going to tell who owns which fookin pig.?"

"Well Paddy," says Paddy,"I'll cut ta other ear off my fookin pig. Ten we'll ave two fookin pigs and only one of them will avan ear".

"Ah tat'd be grand" says Paddy.

Again, this worked fine until a couple of weeks later, when Paddy again stormed into the house. "Paddy", he said, "Your fookin pig has chewed the other ear offa my fookin pig!!!." "Now, we got two fookin pigs with no fookin ears!!!. How we gonna tell who owns which fookin pig?"

"Ah, dis is serious, Paddy" said Paddy. " I'll tell ya what I'll do. I'll cut de tail offa my fookin pig. Den we'll av two fookin pigs with no fookin ears and only one fookin tail."

"Ah tat'd be grand" says Paddy.

Another couple of weeks went by and..........you guessed it, Paddy stormed into the house once more. "PADDY," shouted Paddy, "YOUR FOOKIN PIG HAS CHEWED THE FOOKIN TAIL OFFA MY FOOKIN PIG, AND NOW WE GOT TWO FOOKIN PIGS WITH NO FOOKIN EARS AND NO FOOKIN TAILS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!. HOW DE FOOK ARE WE GONNA FOOKIN TELL 'EM APART!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"Ah, Fook it" says Paddy, "how's about you have the black one, and I'll have the white one"

More "Animal Jokes"

 

Chalk Sailboat

sidewalk chalk artist hole with water and sailboat

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Suntanned Turkey

cooked turkey with bikini tan lines

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