- Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time.
- Reality is an illusion that is brought upon by the lack of alcohol.
- A woman drove me to drink. I sure regret I didn't get a chance to thank her.
- What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch?
- One Tequila, Two Tequila, Three Tequila, Floor.
- Beauty is in the Eyes of the Beer Holder.
- If God had intended us to drink beer, He would have given us stomachs.
- When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
- Life is a waste of time, time is a waste of life, so if you get wasted all of the time, you'll have the time of your life.
- 24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?
- Beer is good food.
- It's better to have a beer in the hand than gas in the tank.
- Beer. It's not just for breakfast anymore.
- A beer in the hand beats two in the bush.
- One more drink and I'll be under the host.
- Without question, the greatest invention in the history of Mankind is beer. The wheel was also a fine invention, but it does not go nearly as well with pizza.
- I don't work out. It cuts into my drinking time.
- People who drink light beer don't like the taste of beer, they just like to pee a lot.
- I don't have a drinking problem. I drink, I get drunk, I fall down. No problem!
- Draft beer, not people!
More "Drunk Jokes"
A young blonde woman walked into a pharmacy. She approached the pharmacist and said "I would like some vitamins for my son."
"Vitamins A, B, or C?" asked the pharmacist.
"It doesn't matter, he can't read yet."
More "Blonde Jokes"