Little White Lie
Ted, a wealthy 70-year-old widower, shows up at a bar with a stunning 25-year-old blonde on his arm. The woman has the body of a model, has her arms endearingly locked around Ted's torso and focuses intently on every syllable he utters.
Naturally, his friends at the bar are stunned. At the very first chance, they corner him and ask: "Ted, come on, where'd you get such a beautiful babe for a girlfriend?"
Ted replies: "Girlfriend? She's my wife!"
Now they're completely knocked over. They continue their questioning: "Alright, how'd you get her to marry you?"
"Well, I lied about my age," Ted admits.
"How old did you say you were? 50?"
Ted smiles and says, "Nope! I told her I was 95!"
A little boy comes down to breakfast. Since his family lives on a farm, his mother asks if he has done his chores.
"Not yet momma," said the little boy.
His mother tells him no breakfast until he does his chores. Well, he's a little pissed, so he goes to feed the chickens, and he kicks a chicken.
He goes to feed the cows, and he kicks a cow. He goes to feed the pigs, and he kicks a pig. He goes back in for breakfast and his mother gives him a bowl of dry cereal.
"How come I don't get any eggs and bacon? Why don't I have any milk in my cereal?" he asks.
"Well," his mother says, "I saw you kick a chicken, so you don't get any eggs for a week. I saw you kick the pig, so you don't get any bacon for a week either. I also saw you kick the cow, so for a week you aren't getting any milk."
Just then, his father comes down for breakfast and kicks the cat halfway across the kitchen. The little boy looks up at his mother with a smile, and says: "Are you going to tell him, or should I?"
More "Dirty" Jokes (Secret Hidden Category) ;)