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After 20 years of marriage...

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After 20 years of marriage, a couple was lying in bed one evening, when the wife felt her husband begin to touch her in ways he hadn't in quite some time.

It almost tickled as his fingers started at her neck, and then began moving down past the small of her back. He then slid his hand across her shoulders and neck, slowly worked it down over one breast, then the other, stopping just over her lower stomach.

He then proceeded to place his hand on her left inner arm, caressed past the side of her breast again, working down her side, passed gently over and then in between her buttock and down her leg to her calf. Then, he proceeded up her inner thigh, stopping just at the uppermost portion of her leg.

He continued in the same manner on her right side, then suddenly stopped, rolled over and became silent. As she had become quite aroused by this caressing, she asked in a loving voice, "That was wonderful.

Why did you stop?"

"I found the remote," he said.

More "Men vs Women" Jokes

 

25 Resume Blunders

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1. “an applicant ghosted a head shot as the background to her resume”

2. Other Interests: “Playing with my two dogs (They actually belong to my wife but I love the dogs more than my wife)”.

3. “One applicant used colored paper and drew glitter designs around the border”

4. Hobbies: “getting drunk every night down by the water, playing my guitar and smoking pot”

5. Why Interested in Position: “to keep my parole officer from putting back me in jail”

6. A woman had attached a picture of herself in a mini mouse costume

7. Hobbies: “Drugs and girls”.

8. Under “job related skills” - for a web designer - “can function without additional oxygen at 24,000 feet”.

9. My sister-in-law misspelled the word “proofreading” in her skill set.

10. The objective on one recent resume I received stated that the applicant wished to pursue a challenging account executive position with our rival firm.

11. Objective: “career on the Information Supper Highway”

12. Experience: “Stalking, shipping & receiving”

13. “I am great with the pubic.”

14. A candidate listed her e-mail address as pornstardelight@*****.com

15. The applicant listed her name as Alice in the resume but wrote Alyce on the onsite application.

16. One candidate’s electronic resume included links to her homepage, where the pictures were of her in the nude.

17. “…sent out my resume on the back side of a draft of a cover letter to another firm…”

18. “My duties included cleaning the restrooms and seating the customers.”

19. One applicant for a nursing position noted that she didn't like dealing with blood or needles.

20. Achievements: “Nominated for prom queen”

21. I once received a resume with a head and shoulders picture in the top left of the first page. The picture was of a lion’s head, wearing a coat, shirt, and tie.

22. A resume… was printed on the back of the person’s current employer’s letterhead.

23. One resume that came across my desk stated how the individual had won a contest for building toothpick bridges in middle school.

24. A resume… had several grease stains and a smudge of chocolate on it

25. Hobbies: “Having a good time”

More "List" Jokes

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