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Chuck Norris Jokes

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To celebrate Chuck Norris' birthday this week, I've compiled a list of Chuck Norris jokes...

When Bruce Banner gets mad he turns into the HULK, when the HULK gets mad he turns into Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.

Chuck Norris doesn't wear a watch, he decides what time it is.

The First Law of Thermodynamics states that energy can neither be created nor destroyed... unless it meets Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in three moves.

Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.

When Arnold says the line "I'll be back" in the first Terminator movie it is implied that he is going to ask Chuck Norris for help.

Chuck Norris destroyed the Periodic Table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise!

Chuck Norris doesn't have a command key on his keyboard because the keyboard will do whatever he says.

More "Chuck Norris" Jokes



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A woman has a dog who snores in his sleep and keeps her and her husband awake at night. She goes to the vet to see if he can help. The vet tells the woman to tie a ribbon around the dog's testicles and he will stop snoring. Of course, the woman is very skeptical in believing this and goes home. A few hours after going to bed, the dog is snoring as usual. Finally, getting very frustrated, she goes to the closet and grabs a piece of ribbon, ties it around the dog's testicles and, sure enough, the dog stops snoring. The woman is amazed.

Later that night, her husband returns from being out with his friends and he is very drunk. He climbs into bed, falls asleep and begins snoring very loudly. The woman is desperate and thinks maybe the ribbon will work on him. She goes to the closet again, grabs a piece of ribbon and ties it on her husband's testicles. Amazing, it also work on him. The woman falls asleep again and sleeps very soundly.

The next morning, the husband wakes up very hung over. He stumbles into the bathroom to urinate. As he is standing in front of the toilet, he looks in the mirror and sees a blue ribbon attached to his testicles. He is very confused. He walks back into the bedroom and sees a red ribbon to his dog's scrotum.

He looks at the dog and says, "Boy, I don't remember what the heck happened last night, but where ever you and I where, we got first and second place!"

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