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$40,000 Funeral

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Jim died.

His will provided $40,000 for an elaborate funeral.

As the last guests departed the affair, his wife Maxine turned to her oldest and dearest friend. 'Well, I'm sure Jim would be pleased,' she said.

'I'm sure you're right,' replied Brenda, who lowered her voice and leaned in close.

'How much did this really cost?'

'All of it,' said Maxine. 'Forty thousand.'

'No!' Brenda exclaimed.. 'I mean, it was very nice, but 40,000?'

Maxine answered, 'The funeral was $6,500. I donated $500 to church. The whiskey, wine and snacks were another $500. The rest went for the Memorial Stone.'

Brenda computed quickly. '$32,500 for a Memorial Stone? How big is it?'

'Ooh, about 5 carats!"

More "Men Vs Women" Jokes

 

Alabama Preacher

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An Alabama preacher said to his congregation, 'Someone in this congregation has spread a rumor that I belong to the Ku Klux Klan. This is a horrible lie and one which a Christian community cannot tolerate.. I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this. Now, I want the party who did this to stand and ask forgiveness from God and this Christian Family.'

No one moved. The preacher continued, 'Do you have the nerve to face me and admit this is a falsehood? Remember, you will be forgiven and in your heart you will feel glory. Now stand and confess your transgression.'

Again all was quiet.

Then slowly, a drop dead gorgeous blonde with a body that would stop traffic rose from the third pew. Her head was bowed and her voice quivered as she spoke, "Reverend there has been a terrible misunderstanding.. I never said you were a member of the Ku Klux Klan. I simply told a couple of my friends that you were a wizard under the sheets."

The preacher fell to his knees, his wife fainted, and the congregation roared.

More "Religious" Jokes

Should I Get a Dog?

sofa torn apart by dog

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kids make a huge mess with white paint

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