Government Economist Virus: Nothing works, but all your diagnostic software says everything is fine
Federal Bureaucrat Virus: Divides your hard disk into hundreds of little units, each of which does practically nothing, but all of which claim to be the most important part of your computer
Adam and Eve Virus: Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple computer
Congressional Virus # 1: The computer locks up, screen splits erratically with a message appearing on each half blaming the other side for the problem
Congressional Virus # 2: Runs every program on the hard drive simultaneously but doesn't allow the user to accomplish anything
Jane Fonda Virus: attacks your hard drive's FAT
Oprah Winfrey virus: Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB, and then slowly expands to 300MB
AT&T Virus: Every three minutes it tells you what great service you are getting.
MCI Virus: Every three minutes it reminds you that you're paying too much for the AT&T virus
Politically Correct Virus: Never calls itself a "virus", but instead refers to itself as an "electronic microorganism."
Ross Perot Virus: Activates every component in your system, just before the whole darn thing quits
More "Computer Jokes"
Conjoined Twins Walk into a Bar
Conjoined twins walk into a pub in Toronto and park themselves on a bar stool. One of them says to the bartender, 'Don't mind us, we're joined at the hip. I'm John, he's Jim. Two Molson Canadian beers please.'
The bartender, feeling slightly awkward, tries to make polite conversation while pouring the beers. 'Been on holiday yet, lads?'
'Off to England next month,' says John. 'We go to England every year, hire a car. and drive for miles, don't we, Jim?' Jim agrees.
'Ah, England !' says the bartender. 'Wonderful Country ... the history,the beer, the culture....'
'Nah, we don't like that British crap,' says John. 'Hamburgers & Molson's beer, that's us, eh, Jim? And we can't stand the English; they're so arrogant and rude, not civil and polite like us Canadians.'
'So why keep going to England ?' asks the bartender.
'It's the only chance Jim gets to drive..
More "Drunk Jokes"