On a transatlantic flight, a plane passes through a severe storm. The turbulence is awful, and things go from bad to worse when one wing is struck by lightning.
One woman, in particular, loses it. Screaming, she stands up in the front of the plane. "I'm too young to die," she wails. Then she yells, "Well, if I'm going to die, I want my last minutes on earth to be memorable! Is there anyone on this plane who can make me feel like a WOMAN?"
For a moment there is silence. Everyone has forgotten their own peril. They all stare, eyes riveted, at the desperate woman in the front of the plane.
Then a cowboy from Montana stands up in the rear of the plane. He is handsome: well built, with dark brown hair and blue eyes. He starts to walk slowly up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt, one button at a time.
No one moves. He removes his shirt. Muscles ripple across his chest.
She gasps . .
He whispers . . .
"Iron this. Then get me a beer."
If Men Ruled the World
1. Any fake phone number a girl gave you would automatically forward your call to her real number.
2. Nodding and looking at your watch would be deemed an acceptable response to "I love you."
3. Hallmark would make "Sorry, what was your name again?" cards.
4. When your girlfriend really needed to talk to you during the game, she'd appear in a little box in the corner of the screen during a time-out.
5. Each year, your raise would be pegged to the fortunes of the NFL team of your choice.
6. The funniest guy in the office would get to be CEO.
7. "Sorry I'm late, but I got really wasted last night" would be an acceptable excuse for tardiness.
8. At the end of the workday, a whistle would blow and you'd jump out your window and slide down the tail of a brontosaurus and right into your car like Fred Flintstone.
9. It'd be considered harmless fun to gather 30 friends, put on horned helmets, and go pillage a nearby town.
10. When a cop gave you a ticket, every smart-aleck answer you responded with would actually reduce your fine. As in: Cop: "You know how fast you were going?" You: "All I know is, I was spilling my beer all over the place." Cop: "Nice one. That's $10 off."
11. Tanks would be far easier to rent.
12. Garbage would take itself out.
13. Instead of beer belly, you'd get "beer biceps."
14. Instead of an expensive engagement ring, you could present your wife-to-be with a giant foam hand that said, "You're #1!"
15. Valentine's Day would be moved to February 29th so it would only occur in leap years.
17. On Groundhog Day, if you saw your shadow, you'd get the day off to go drinking. Mother's Day, too.
18. St. Patrick's Day, however, would remain exactly the same. But it would be celebrated every month.
19. “COPS” would be broadcast live, and you could phone in advice to the pursuing cops. Or to the crooks.
20. The only show opposite “Monday Night Football” would be "Monday Night Football from a Different Camera Angle". (Yes! I'm for that)
21. The candle shops in the mall would sell candles that smell like whiskey and beer.
22. Women would have to obtain a license before wearing spandex or short shorts (sorta like conceal carry laws).
23. Women suffering from PMS would be required to wear a burka.
24. Gun racks would be standard on all American cars.
25. There would be a device that automatically raised and lowered toilet seats.