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Men Are Like... The Sequel

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1. Men are like Laxatives: They irritate the crap out of you.
- Laxatives only work if you are full of crap in the first place!

2. Men are like Bananas: The older they get, the less firm they are.
- Not any more baby, Viagra for ever!

3. Men are like Weather: Nothing can be done to change them.
- But does that stop you trying.......NO.

4. Men are like Blenders: You need one, but you're not quite sure why.
- Try making bread without one.

5. Men are like Chocolate: Sweet, smooth, & they usually head for your hips.
- Because we like a soft landing.

6. Men are like Commercials: You can't believe a word they say.
- And what happens when we tell the truth?

7. Men are like Department Stores: Their clothes are always 1/2 off.
- I was a boy scout..what can I say! (Be prepared)

8. Men are like Government Bonds: They take soooooooo long to mature.
- And when we do we are called old farts, we can't win.

9. Men are like Mascara: They usually run at the first sign of emotion.
- If you cannot talk about it rationally like a grown up what do you expect.

10. Men are like Popcorn: They satisfy you, but only for a little while.
- We do that so you come back for more.

11. Men are like Snowstorms: You never know when they're coming, how many inches you'll get or how long it will last.
- All part of the excitement!!

12. Men are like Lava Lamps: Fun to look at, but not very bright.
- We have to pretend to be dumb or you would have something else to moan about

13. Men are like Parking Spots: All the good ones are taken, the rest are handicapped.
- Ever ask yourself why one of the good ones did not pick you?

More "Men vs Women" Jokes

 

Pet Rabbit

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One afternoon while doing some work in the garden I noticed my dog dragging something under the fence. Upon inspection, to my dismay, I realized it was the next-door neighbors' daughter's pet rabbit.

For years I had watched her come home from school and head straight out to its cage, free it and play with it in the garden. I knew today would be no different and fearing for our dog, I had to think fast.

The rabbit was quite dirty, as if it had put up quite a struggle, so I washed it off with the hose, combed it with the dog brush and blew it dry with the leaf blower. Upon finishing its grooming I jumped the fence and placed it back in its cage hoping its death would be written off as "natural causes".

Within the hour the neighbor's car pulled in and out popped the little girl, and as usual she headed straight for the cage. Only this time she stopped about six feet away and screamed

"DDDDDAAAADDDDDDDYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Her father, panic stricken, stood looking at the cage. Being the good neighbor that I am I rushed to fence and asked if there was anything I could do. Her father less than calmly blurted,

"What kind of sick individual would dig up a little girl's dead rabbit and put it back in its cage?"

More "Animal" Jokes

Chivelry

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Look Mommy!

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