Cookie the Cat's Resolutions
5. I will not demand to get out the minute after I come in, and visa versa.
4. I will not scratch wallpaper, curtains, furniture, clothing or my scratch pad.
3. I will not annoy the dog next door (unless I'm in a bad mood)
2. I will come when my human calls me (occasionally)
and the Number One New Year Resolution for Cookie is...
1. I will not sleep more than 23 hours per day.
Rednecks Play the Lottery
A Redneck buys a ticket and wins the lottery. He goes to Austin to claim it and the man verifies his ticket number. The Redneck says, "I want my $20 million."
The man replied, "No, sir. It doesn't work that way. We give you a million today and then you'll get the rest spread out for the next 19 years."
The Redneck said, "Oh, no. I want all my money right now! I won it and I want it."
Again, the man explain that he would only get a million that day and the rest during the next 19 years.
The Redneck, furious with the man, screams out, "Look, I want my money! If you're not going to give me my $20 million right now, then I want my dollar back!"