Starting a Diet
Two girlfriends were talking at a New Year's Eve party. The talk got around to what their resolutions would be.
"I'm going to start a diet to get rid of all of these extra pounds I put on over the holidays," Kim said.
"Good!" Katrina exclaimed. "I'm ready to start a diet too. We can be dieting buddies and help each other out. When I feel the urge to drive out and get a burger and fries, I'll call you first."
"Great!" Kim replied. "I'll ride with you."
The Doctor's Report
A man comes home from work and finds his wife admiring her breasts in the mirror. He asks, "What are you doing?"
She replies, "I went to the doctor today, and he told me I have the breasts of a 25 year old."
The husband retorts, "Well, what did he say about your 50 year old ass?"
She replied, "Frankly dear, your name never came up."