Women's Personal Ads
40-ish...........................49
Adventurous..................Slept with everyone
Athletic.........................No breasts
Average looking.............Ugly
Beautiful.......................Pathological liar
Contagious Smile..........Does a lot of pills
Emotionally Secure.......On medication
Feminist.......................Fat
Free spirit.....................Junkie
Friendship first..............Former slut
Fun............................. Annoying
New-Age......................Body hair in the wrong places
Old-fashioned................No blow jobs
Open-minded................Desperate
Outgoing......................Loud and embarrassing
Passionate...................Sloppy drunk
Professional.................Bitch
Curvy.........................Fat
Voluptuous...............Very Fat
Large frame..................Hugely Fat
Wants Soul mate..........Stalker
Sunday Prayer
The pastor asked if anyone in the congregation would like to express praise for answered prayers. A lady stood and walked to the podium.
She said, "I have a Praise. Two months ago, my husband, Tom, had a terrible bicycle wreck and his scrotum was completely crushed. The pain was excruciating and the doctors didn't know if they could help him."
You could hear a muffled gasp from the men in the congregation as they imagined the pain that poor Tom must have experienced.
"Tom was unable to hold me or the children," she went on, "and every move caused him terrible pain. We prayed as the doctors performed a delicate operation, and it turned out they were able to piece together the crushed remnants of Tom's scrotum, and wrap wire around it to hold it in place."
Again, the men in the congregation were unnerved and squirmed uncomfortably as they imagined the horrible surgery performed on Tom.
"Now," she announced in a quavering voice, "thank the Lord, Tom is out of the hospital and the doctors say that with time, his scrotum should recover completely."
All the men sighed with relief. The pastor rose and tentatively asked if anyone else had something to say.
A man stood up and walked slowly to the podium.
He said, "I'm Tom."
The entire congregation held its breath.
"I just want to tell my wife that the word is STERNUM."
