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Three Turtles

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Three turtles, Joe, Steve, and Raymond, decide to go on a picnic.

So Joe packs the picnic basket with cookies, bottled sodas, and sandwiches. The trouble is, the picnic site is 10 miles away, so the turtles take 10 whole days to get there. By the time they do arrive, everyone's exhausted.

Joe takes the stuff out of the basket, one by one. He takes out the sodas and says, "Alright, Steve, gimme the bottle opener."
"I didn't bring the bottle opener," Steve says. "I thought you packed it."

Joe gets worried. He turns to Raymond. "Raymond, do you have the bottle opener?" Naturally, Raymond doesn't have it, so the turtles are stuck ten miles away from home without soda.

Joe & Steve beg Raymond to turn back home and retrieve it, but Raymond flatly refuses, knowing that they'll eat everything by the time he gets back.

After about two hours, the turtles manage to convince Raymond to go, swearing on their great-grand turtles' graves that they won't touch the food. So, Raymond sets off down the road, slow and steadily.

Twenty days pass, but no Raymond. Joe and Steve are hungry and puzzled, but a promise is a promise.

Another day passes, and still no Raymond, but a promise is a promise. After three more days pass without Raymond in sight,

Steve starts getting restless. "I NEED FOOD!" he says with a hint of dementia in his voice. "NO!" Joe retorts. "We promised."

Five more days pass. Joe realizes that Raymond probably skipped out to the diner down the road, so the two turtles weakly lift the lid, get a sandwich, and open their mouths to eat.

But then, right at that instant, Raymond pops out from behind a rock, and says, "I knew I couldn't trust you! There's no way I'm going now!"

More "Animal Jokes"

 

When Love Fades

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Last night I was sitting on the sofa watching TV when I heard my wife's voice from the kitchen

"What would you like for dinner my Love?... Chicken, beef or fish?"

I said, "Thank you, I'll have chicken."

She replied "You're having soup, **bleep**. I was talking to the cat"

More "Men vs Women Jokes"

 

Wrong Place
Wrong Time

wrong place wrong time

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Redneck Weiner Roast

using a rake to cook hotdogs over a fire

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