After living in the remote wilderness of Tennessee all his life, an old hillbilly decided it was time to visit the big city. In one of the stores he picks up a mirror and looks in it.
Not ever having seen one before, he remarked at the image staring back at him, "How about that! Here's a picture of my daddy!"
He bought the "picture", but on the way home he rembered that his wife didn't like his father. So, he hung it in the barn and every morning before leaving for the fields, he would go there and look at it.
His wife began to get suspicious of these many trips to the barn. One day after her husband left, she searched the barn and found the mirror. As she looked into the glass, she fumed, "So that's the ugly bitch he's runnin' aroud with."
Little Johnny - Speak and Spell
The teacher decided to give the class a pop quiz on this week’s spelling words. “Now class, you are to spell the words, then use them in a sentence,” said the teacher. “The three words are: hotel, stigma, and homosexual.”
So Little Johnny stands up and says “OK teach, I’ll give it a shot. First word…H-O-T-E-L. Tiger Woods asked his girlfriend to keep their affair under wraps, but TMZ made the ho tel.”
Teacher says, “Uh, that’s not the correct way to use that word. Try another one.”
Johnny says, “Alright teach, S-T-I-G-M-A. Tiger Woods said to his girlfriend, “I want to stig ma putter in your sandtrap.”
Teacher says, “Now Johnny, you spelled the word right, but didn’t use it correctly!”
“OK teach, how bout this…H-O-M-O-S-E-X-U-A-L. Tiger Woods asked his girlfriend not to wear any panties because he thought it made the ho mo sexual.”