Five Little Pigs
A farmer had five female pigs. Times were hard, so he
decided to take them to the county fair and sell them.
At the fair, he met another farmer who owned five male pigs. After talking a bit, they decided to mate the pigs and split everything 50/50.
The farmers lived sixty miles apart. So they agreed to drive thirty miles each, and find a field in which to let the pigs mate.
The first morning, the farmer with the female pigs got up at 5 AM, loaded the pigs into the family station wagon, which was the only vehicle he had, and drove the thirty miles.
While the pigs were mating, he asked the other farmer, "How will I know if they are pregnant?"
The other farmer replied,
"If they're lying in the grass in the morning, they're pregnant.
If they're in the mud, they're not."
The next morning the pigs were rolling in the mud. So he hosed them off, loaded them into the family station wagon again, and proceeded to try again. This process continued each morning for more than a week.
The next morning he was too tired to get out of bed. He called to his wife, "Honey, please look outside and tell me whether the pigs are in the mud or in the grass."
"Neither", yelled his wife, "they're in the station wagon and one of them is honking the horn."
Two Blonde men were in the woods hunting. One looked at the other and said, "I've got to take a crap."
The other said, "Well go behind one of those big trees, and crap."
The first one said, "But I don't have any paper to wipe my butt."
The other blonde replied, "You have a dollar, don't you?"
The first one said, "Yeah, I've got a dollar. That's a great idea-- I'll use that!"
He left and came back with poo all over his hands and clothes.
His friend looked at him and asked, "What in the hell happened to you?"
The first one replied, "Have you ever tried to wipe your butt with 3 quarters, 2 dimes, and a nickel?"