Sitting together on a train were Obama, George W. Bush, a little old lady, and a young blonde girl. The train goes into a dark tunnel and a few seconds later there is the sound of a loud slap.
When the train emerges from the tunnel, Obama has a bright red hand-print on his cheek. No one speaks.
The old lady thinks:
Obama must have groped the blonde in the dark, and she slapped him.
The blonde girl thinks:
Obama must have tried to grope me in the dark, but missed and fondled the old lady and she slapped him.
Bush must have groped the blonde in the dark. She tried to slap him but missed and got me instead.
George Bush thinks:
I can’t wait for another tunnel, so I can smack Obama again.
Ten Hours to Live
Leo went to the doctor for his annual check-up. The doctor checked his heart and blood pressure and frowned.
"You've got ten hours to live", he said.
"I demand a second opinion", said Leo, and rushed off to a heart specialist.
The heart specialist checked him out immediately and said, "Leo, you've got nine hours to live."
Leo jumped into his car and raced home to his wife. "Darling", he said, "I have only eight hours to live."
"What do you want to do in your final hours, Leo?"
"I want to make love", said Leo.
So they jumped into bed. During their post coital cigarette, Leo said, "I've got seven hours to live. Can we make love again?"
"Of course", said his loving wife.
After another hour, and another post coital cigarette, he said, "Darling, I have only six hours to live, Lets do it again."
"For Pete's sake, Leo", she said, "It's O.K. for you! You don't have to get up early in the morning."
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