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St. Patrick's Day Jokes
Paddy Got Drunk
Paddy had been drinking at his local Dublin pub all day and most of
the night. Mick, the bartender, says "You'll not be drinking any
more tonight, Paddy."
Paddy replies "OK Mick, I'll be on my way then". Paddy spins around
on his stool and steps off. He falls flat on his face. "What
the...." he says and pulls himself up by the stool and dusts
himself off.
He takes a step towards the door and falls flat on his face again.
"Damn!" he says.
He looks to the doorway and thinks that if he can just get to the
door and get some fresh air he'll be fine. He belly crawls to the
door and shimmies up the door frame. He sticks his head outside and
takes a deep breath of fresh air, feels much better and takes a
step out onto the pavement and falls flat on his face.
"B'Jesus... I'm soused," he says.
He can see his house just a few doors down, and decides to try for
it. He crawls down the street and shimmies up the door frame, opens
the door and looks inside. He takes a look up the stairs and says,
"No flappin' way."
But he somehow crawls up the stairs to his bedroom door and thinks,
"I think I can make it to the bed." He takes a step into the room
and falls flat on his face again. He says, "This is hell. I gotta
stop drinking," but manages to crawl to the bed and fall in.
The next morning, his wife comes into the room carrying a cup of
coffee and says, "Get up Paddy. Did you have a bit to drink last
night?" Paddy says, "I did Jess. I was totally smashed. But how'd
you know?"
"Mick called.. You left your wheelchair at the pub."
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