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Funny Limericks

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Welcome to the best limericks on the Internet! I have searched for the funniest, most hilarious, knee-slapping, clean limericks on the Net and have presented them here. For those of you who appreciate a funny limerick and have a great sense of humour, enjoy! If you have time to kill, why not read all of the limerics? :)

Funny Limericks

Short and Sweet! ...well maybe not too sweet. ;)

There once was a man from Peru
Who had a lot of growing up to do,
He'd ring a doorbell,
then run like hell,
Until the owner shot him with a .22

There once was a man from kanass
Who's nuts were made out of brass
in stormy weather
he'd clack them together
and lightning shot out of his ass

A bather whose clothing was strewed
By winds that left her quite nude
Saw a man come along
And unless we are wrong
You expected this line to be lewd

There once was a young lady named bright
Whose speed was much faster than light
She set out one day
In a relative way
And returned on the previous night

There once was an artist named Saint,
Who swallowed some samples of paint.
All shades of the spectrum
Flowed out of his rectum
With a colourful lack of restraint.

There once was a man from Peru
Who dreamed he was eating his shoe
He woke with a fright in the middle of the night
To find that his dream had come true.

There was an old man with a beard
Who said, "it's just how i feared!-
Two owls and a hen
Four larks and a wren
Have all built their nests in my beard.

Mary had a little pig, 
She kept it fat and plastered; 
And when the price of pork went up, 
She shot the little bastard.

Mary had a little lamb 
It ran into a pylon.
10,000 volts went up its arse
And turned its wool to nylon.

Mary had a little lamb
Its fleece was white and wispy.
Then it caught Foot and Mouth Disease
And now it's black and crispy.

Mary had a little skirt
With splits right up the sides
And everywhere that Mary went 
The boys could see her thighs.
Mary had another skirt
'twas split right up the front
..But she didn't wear that one often.

 
   
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