Welcome to the best jokes on the Internet! I have searched for the funniest, most hilarious, knee-slapping jokes on the Net and have presented them here. For those of you who appreciate a funny joke and have a great sense of humour, enjoy! If you have time to kill, why not read all of the jokes? :)
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Drunk Jokes
Beer! And Some Quotes
Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time. --Catherine Zandonella
Abstainer a weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure. --Ambrose Bierce
Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.
I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.
A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.
What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch? --W.C. Fields
Beauty lies in the hands of the beerholder.
Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink. --Lady Astor to Winston
Churchill. His reply -- Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it.
If God had intended us to drink beer, He would have given us stomaches. --David Daye
Work is the curse of the drinking classes. --Oscar Wilde
When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading. --Henny Youngman
Life is a waste of time, time is a waste of life, so get wasted all of the time and have the time of your life.
I'd rather have a bottle in front of me, than a frontal lobotomy. --Tom Waits
24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?
Beer is good food.
It's better to have a beer in hand than gas in tank.
Life is too short to drink cheap beer.
Beer - it's not just for breakfast anymore.
Beer - Nature's laxative.
Beer. If you can't taste it, why bother!
One more drink and I'd be under the host. --Dorothy Parker
All other nations are drinking Ray Charles beer and we are drinking Barry Manilow. --Dave Barry
When I heated my home with oil, I used an average of 800 gallons a year. I have found that I can keep comfortably warm for an entire winter with slightly over half that quantity of beer. --Postpetroleum Guzzler, Dave Barry
Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer.
Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza. --Dave Barry's Bad Habit's, Dave Barry
Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer. --Dave Barry
My problem with most althletic challenges is training. I'm lazy and find that workouts cut into my drinking time. --A Wolverine is Eating My Leg
The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind. --Humphrey Bogart
Friends don't let friends drink Light Beer.
If nothing beats a Bud, given the choice, I'd take nothing...
Draft beer, not people!
Adhere to Schweinheitsgebot. Don't put anything in your beer that a pig wouldn't eat. --David Geary
Why is American beer served cold? So you can tell it from urine. --David Moulton
People who drink light "beer" don't like the taste of beer; they just like to pee a lot.
--Capital Brewery, Middleton, WI
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